So much has happened since my last post I don't know where to begin! I have wanted to update and share the goings-on but hardly knew how to express my gratitude and happiness. So, I guess I will start where I left off.

It's been several weeks now since I got my lab results back. Excision surgery has come and gone. That was quite the experience. The multiple deep numbing shots were the worst part of the whole thing. They were very painful. I got the call within a week from surgery and the margins were clear! Got my stitches out at 2 weeks and the incision healed much faster than the biopsy site. I go back in January for another full body scan and will continue that indefinitely. All in all, the best possible news and I'm so happy that it's over.

This was with stitches still in. It's healed now but the scar is very sensitive and dark in color.

Moving on to the best news in the world!!! Y'all who follow me know that I've been working on my big dreams for quite a long time. And if you don't know my story, maybe now is the time for me tell it! Because my dreams are coming true!!

So, some of my earliest memories are of attending Monday night meetings and skin care classes with my mother back in the very early 80s. You see, she was a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant back then in qualification to become a Director. I used to go with her to makeup deliveries. I helped her during skin care classes by wetting the washclothes for the ladies in attendance. I sat with her during recognition and through her Monday night business meetings. Even though I was under 5 years old I knew something really special was going on. My mom earned the use of her first Mary Kay car when I was 9 years old. And then my dad got a job relocation and we moved to another state. In 1989, it was difficult or totally impossible to coach a team long distance since the Internet hadn't even happened yet on a consumer level. My mom lost her team and I watched her dreams fall away. It must have struck a chord in me on some level.

Fast forward to 2004. My first daughter was born and I was working a terrible job in a crazy city with a crazy commute in a tiny cubicle with no windows and bad lighting. It was Hell. I still remember locking myself in a bathroom stall and bawling each and every day because my tiny baby spent practically her whole life at daycare and I hardly saw her at all. It was the definition of heartbreak. I never knew devastating heartache until that year. I decided one day that Mary Kay was the life for me too. I got my hands on some teaching tapes (aka personal development) and spent my days in that dark and lonely cubicle listening to what would become prophesy in my life.

Rena Tarbet was the angel who changed my entire existence. My mom used to listen to her in the car when I was little and now I was soaking in her words for myself. Teaching principles she had learned from John Maxwell, Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, and Napoleon Hill I soaked in ideas and universal laws no one had ever bothered teaching me in school. I started to believe in magic, y'all!!! That's totally what it seemed like at the time, MAGIC!! I decided that network marketing was my answer to being able to stay home with my daughter. Soon after going all in with my business I truly felt like God told me I would be a National Sales Director, which is one of the highest ranks you can achieve in MK.

Well, life has a way of happening and I did fairly well at first but fell off when life got hard. I got divorced and gained full custodial custody of my 2 year old girl and moved back in with mom and dad at the age of 26. I enrolled in esthetics school and while my path changed, my dream never did. I still felt destined for greatness in God's Kingdom. During my stint in Esthetics I was introduced to Electrology and felt called in that direction as well. That was a couple years and a couple miracles down the line (another story for another post) but that panned out as well! I became a nationally certified Electrologist in addition to a licensed Esthetician.

After a new marriage and 2 more kids I found myself in the same sort of predicament as with my first daughter. I was working 12 hour days in a tiny treatment room performing electrolysis on clients who could afford to stay home with their kids and I was barely making ends meet with all 3 of my kids in childcare, a husband in hospitality who worked double time, and me working part time but missing out on way too much. I also suffered terribly after my last two children with postpartum depression. After my 3rd in 2011, the PPD nearly took me. I was at risk of never recovering from that. My life was in a downward spiral. Yet, I still felt called to something great!

A friend of mine from an online Expecting Club 2 years earlier had started coaching with Beachbody and was incredibly successful! Being no stranger to how awesome MLMs can be and also being very intrigued in getting in shape after 2 kids I totally jumped on board with her. I had almost instant physical results with Beachbody! I was in the best shape of my entire life! I even ran a Spartan Race with my brother as many of you know! I blogged all about THAT! One of my greatest life achievements. :)

With the business side of BB I achieved moderate success but found it to be a struggle. Now, I am not opposed to a struggle and some hard work with business because I realize that hard work and hustle are required for success in any venture at all. And I was completely willing to stick it out for the long haul. I quit my part time job as an electrologist in October of 2013 to pursue BB full time. After almost 2 years in Beachbody I hadn't really advanced much but I felt like I was making progress. Until my grandfather died and we moved all within the span of a couple of months. I was thrown. I slowly began to lose all of my physical progress and with it, all credibility I had as a fitness and wellness coach. Things began to spiral after that.

August of that year (2014) was the catalyst. Like many families of 5 with small children we visited the pediatrician's office FREQUENTLY. It seemed like one of the 3 was always on some kind of medication whether it was an antibiotic, a steroid, or some kind of breathing treatment. My oldest was even on multiple ADHD meds. And though I felt highly called to homeschool my kids were in public school because I was terrified of going against the status quo. But August.

August of 2014 I bought a premium starter kit from Young Living through a friend of mine who was an avid oils user. I had been researching essential oils for a year or so and knew some about them from my time in Esthetics school. But I didn't know how amazing they were therapeutically. Being a desperate mama to keep my kids off Rx meds and out of the doctor's office, I bought my kit. Since that day, my kids haven't been for a SINGLE sick visit!!!! Not a single round of antibiotics!! Seriously!!

I was sold! And I wanted to shout it from the rooftops to other moms and share with the world the amazing new reality I had found!!! And so I did! And when I did other moms wanted to know what I was doing so I helped them learn what I had learned. And their families got healthier too!! It was this chain effect of health and vitality!! I was completely astounded!!!! And without even meaning to I was in the business side of Young Living and ranking up with little to no effort at first. Completely amazing!!! All for sharing my love of oils.

Once it began to sink in that this might be the opportunity God meant for me all along I began to see what the possibilities would be in this business for me and my family, which were HUGE!! I set goals accordingly and went "all in" just like I had with Mary Kay many years before. One of my first goals was to hit Silver rank with my team. Silver rank is considered by many to be "quit your job" earning potential. So, that's what I aimed for first. I am amazingly PROUD to announce that I made Silver rank in October of this year!!!!! WOW!!!! First of many BIG ranks to come!




My team amazes me each month! All we do is share our love of these God-given oils with our friends and family and the oils themselves do all the real work! And we are rewarded!! I had the incredible opportunity to go to Young Living Convention in June of this year and witness the farms and distillation process for myself and know that our company's Seed to Seal guarantee is the real deal! And there is NO OTHER company anywhere in the world who can say the same thing. From the very seed of the plant to the time the oil ends up in the bottle Young Living controls the whole process and verifies and guarantees 100% therapeutic purity. Absolutely amazing!! As an esthetician I can truly appreciate that and as a business person I am proud to have a guarantee like that to back my claims!!!

Mom and I at the Young Living Lavender Farm in Mona, UT!

Planting yarrow seedlings on the farm in Mona, UT!

Standing in front of the Lavender.

So, there you have it!!! From skin cancer to Silver!!! My prayers were answered and my dreams brought to fruition in the same year. What a blessed 2016!!! I can't wait to see what 2017 has in store for us!!! I'm looking at you Gold and Platinum!!! :)

Also, I need to welcome our newest family member, Kohala, our adorable yet HUGE 4 month old German Shepherd. She gives my heart all kinds of tickles. :)

The mind is so interesting. How it can choose on its own to be in total denial of the truth. Even when it has been trained to pick up on certain things and knows that it should be alarmed. And yet, it says "no" because you've made plans and you have goals and it knows that if you take time out for "something like this" that you will be sidetracked, or even derailed completely. And you just can't risk that right now. But the mind doesn't properly balance the risk because one thing definitely outweighs the other.

So, you're probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about; or maybe you're even a little frustrated that I'm being vague. Let's rewind....

The last week of June, my mom and I went to Young Living's Convention together; a wonderful, incredible, memorable mother/daughter adventure. We have had several over the years but this one might be the best because it wasn't just for me that we had gone out there. My mom and I are building a business together and we went out there as a team to meet our team! We learned together. We grew together. We cried together. We gained passion and enthusiasm together. It was awe-inspiring. I will have to do a whole post just to describe the amazing week we spent in Salt Lake City together. But this story begins there.

Wednesday night of Convention week, Mom and I were sitting on our beds in the hotel room applying Cool Azul sports gel to our legs and feet after spending the whole day at the Young Living Lavender Farm in Mona, UT. It was almost 100 degrees that day and, dry heat or not, it was HOT! We walked a lot that day. Like, A LOT! And even after soaking our feet in the icy cold stream that comes down from the mountains (that despite being nearly 100 degrees still had snow which is crazy to this southern girl) and runs through the farm property, were still aching and sore. So we went to the farm store and each purchased the amazing Cool Azul sports gel which is like aloe with wintergreen and peppermint oils. And we were massaging our feet and legs with the minty goodness after our blessed showers that night and oohing and aahing over how wonderful the gel was when my mom noticed the dark mole on my upper right thigh. The mole I've had my whole life that's always been darker than the rest and so, even though it had recently gotten darker and different looking, I had paid it zero attention. That is, until the look on my mom's face shook me out of the denial I had been in.

She adamantly told me to have it looked at as soon as we got home from Convention. So, I looked at it and agreed I would. And I wondered why my trained eye had not caught it sooner. I obviously knew that it had changed but hadn't, myself, been alarmed about it. How long had it been? I'm an esthetician and electrologist by trade; I am TRAINED to notice skin abnormalities. I have even referred several people to the dermatologist to have a spot looked at, yet failed to recognize it on my own body. Did I fail to recognize or did I just fail to act because I didn't want to be inconvenienced? And oh boy, the inconvenience. But what may it have cost me in the long run now that I have waited? And how long did I truly wait? I honestly can't remember how long it has been since I noticed the changes. The level of my own stupidity amazes me. I still waited another 3 weeks after getting home from Convention to call around to some dermatologists offices and get an appointment. And once I made the call, it was another 2 weeks of waiting for the appointment date. Of course, once I had the appointment scheduled, that's when I started freaking out about time. Because I know how quickly things can progress and how important time is in cases like this.

So, while I waited, I took pictures of all the moles on my body that I definitely wanted to point out to the doctor during the full body scan I had scheduled. Obviously, I wanted her to look at the dark one on my right thigh that Mom had pointed out but I found a couple other suspicious looking ones, also in moles, and on my thighs. I had two that were particularly concerning to me and as I counted down the days until my appointment, my mind that had previously been in total denial caught up quickly to the terrifying reality of the situation. And let me tell you that things got REAL. The "M" word was popping up everywhere! I couldn't get away from it. The father of my closest childhood friend passed away during this time of waiting....from the "m" word after having only been diagnosed 7 months earlier. In an attempt to hide from reality I began binge-watching Grey's Anatomy (great choice, right?) on Netflix and Dr. Izzy Stevens was diagnosed with Stage 4 "m" word during one of the seasons. I was horrified.

My mind went to some horrible places. Some dark and scary places. I began to imagine life for my husband and kids without me in it. What would happen to them? I homeschool my kids for very specific reasons and beliefs. Would they have to go back into the public school system? And oh God, my precious daughter, Reagan!! Legally, I still share joint custody of her with my ex husband who has been absent from the picture for almost 5 years without word. Would she have to go live with him? Would she be absorbed into "the system" if they couldn't find him? After everything we've been through and all the progress we have made with her, my heart sinks and I grow nauseous thinking of her life being suddenly turned completely upside down. She wouldn't just lose her mother but her whole family. This thought alone inspires me to take major action despite the outcome of my situation. This needs to be taken care of because it's an issue if anything happens to me, not just "m" word.

Adding 'find an attorney' to my massively long To Do List (which is massively long because of crazy home repairs due to the disastrous month of July in which our septic tank backed up into our house, flooding our master bedroom right before the AC went out during 95 degree weather causing the flooded carpet to mildew, resulting in our ripping out the carpet and relocating our whole bedroom into the second living room and having to install a door and new flooring. Then World War III with ants in the kitchen and throwing away nearly everything that was in the pantry cabinets. And oh, let's not forget when the pipe under the bathtub began to leak and then burst, flooding the underneath of the tub in the master bathroom, resulting in Mike having to bust the tile to get to the pipe in order to repair it. So, now total master bed and bath renovations are under way.) Whew! No wonder I'm so incredibly tired lately. That could have been its own post! I think I need a drink and a nap!

Appointment day arrived finally and Mike went to the appointment with me, thankfully. I was scared and not sure what to expect so I was very happy for the company. The "m" word doesn't run in my family. My mom has had several basal cell carcinomas excised and one squamous cell carcinoma. Pretty sure my grandfather had some basal cells or squamous cells removed as well. But no one in my family that I know of has ever had the "m" word. So, during the appointment the PA examined my whole body (I have many moles and freckles due to being the whitest person on the planet). She looked at my moles under a handheld magnifier with a light on it. The two moles of greatest concern to her were the same ones I had identified which confirms my training. I was right.

She biopsied them that day. The shots hurt SO bad! I was really glad Mike was there for me to hold his hand during all of this because once the epinephrine from the shots hit my bloodstream I began shaking and feeling nauseous which kicked my fear up a notch and the tears began to flow. I didn't actually feel her removing the moles. In fact, I felt nothing in those areas for many hours after which is a definitely blessing because one of the biopsy sites is deep. The first one she mentioned to her assistant "dysplasia" which is what I suspected too. The second one, the one my mom noticed, and the worst of the two, she used the "m" word when speaking with her assistant. That is in no way a diagnosis until pathology comes back, of course, but it hasn't helped my fear level in the least.

So, now we wait. They said 7-10 days and it has been 4 so far. I have been changing the dressings on the biopsy sites twice a day and applying essential oils to them. I have been alternating Ravintsara and Frankincense oils for healing. Today, they hurt less than yesterday and the day before. But if I stand too long, they begin to ache. Here are some photos for those who may be going through something similar and are curious. I know I was when I was scouring Google Images for photos of biopsy sites and moles; anything that was similar to mine that I might read about someone else's journey and get hope for a positive outcome. There aren't many stories out there of hope that I was able to find. Hoping mine will be one of many to come.

Mole A from my left thigh just above my knee. Notice the dysplasia and that it's slightly raised. I've had this one my whole life but it began to change in the last year or so.

Mole A the day after biopsy after removing the original dressings. I applied Ravintsara oil to the site and recovered with bandages.

Mole A, day 3 after biopsy.

Mole B, the one of most concern, on my upper outer right thigh. Notice the borders are uneven, and the very dark splotchy colors inside the mole.

Mole B the day after biopsy after removing the original dressings. It looks like part of the mole was left behind but that's actually where the doctor cauterized the flesh to stop the bleeding.

Mole B, day 3 after biopsy.

I have found some healing and positive scriptures to hang on to during this period while we wait for that call from pathology. I try to remain positive and hopeful, to speak faith over the situation. But sometimes it's hard and the darkness creeps in. I wait in dread of the phone call and wonder if it will be one of those calls where I rejoice over the good news and then proceed with my life. Or will it be a call that becomes one of those pivotal moments in life. Ya know, the moments where right before, in the seconds before, life is normal and everything is as it should be, and then your life as you know it is over. Everything is changed and can never go back to the way it was just mere seconds ago. Curious and strange, those moments. Pivotal.

I have had exactly two of those moments so far in my life. The first is when I woke up one July morning in 2003 and peed on a stick just for the sake of my sanity because I was late and I wanted to rule out pregnancy. But there were two pink lines where I was expecting only one. The moment that preceded my looking at that stick was my old life. The moment when I saw those two lines was my new life. It was a very strange moment and I grieved for that old life for months after. I hadn't wanted that old life to end; I loved it and didn't want it to change. I didn't adjust well to the new life and neither did my marriage.

Enter pivotal moment #2: New Year's Eve 2005 in the car with my husband on our way home from a New Year's Eve party. I opened my mouth and spoke the words that had been haunting me for months. I wanted a divorce. Once you say those words, you can't take them back. Everything was different from that moment. The atmosphere in the car just moments before those words was lighter, more comfortable, and the new normal that our lives had become since pivotal moment #1. Now it was dark and sad and scary. Life has never been the same for any of us since that moment.

We have adjusted and moved on and life is good. Life is really good right now. We are dreaming and planning for the future. We are steady and happy despite our money pit house situation (think Tom Hanks and the bathtub scene). We have a church family, Reagan was baptized, we tithe, we pray. Literally, my dreams are coming true and I get to watch it happen. Life. Is. Good.

And I currently live in fear of pivotal moment #3. I hope it's a long way off. Like, a really long way off. I need more time. I'm not done yet. There's so much left to do and see and experience. I'm not done. And God said that He had plans for me, to prosper me and to give me hope and a future. So, I'm holding fast to that promise and fighting against the dark places every day. Sometimes every minute.

Peace out!

As I sit on my front porch today enjoying the blessing of a 68 degree day in May, I notice the way my house looks at this particular time of the day when the sun shines straight down through the leaves of the oak tree making the undersides of each leaf glow neon green and the shadows dance on the ground. I feel such incredible peace.

I wish I knew what made that little switch flip. Ya know, the one when you've finally had enough of everything that's wrong and you just decide you're not going to live like that anymore? I suppose this is about the 3rd time in my life I've reached that point. I love this meme that I've seen go around on social media. It was so extremely true for me 3 years ago when I just refused to live in the fog of postpartum depression any longer.

So maybe I won't have some crazy deep reflection on the last year and what all of my intentions are for the upcoming year. It's just not in me like it usually is. I am profoundly grateful for so many blessings we received in 2015 and I feel big things on the horizon for 2016 but I just don't feel an abundance of words for all of it. It's more of a secret stirring in my spirit that I want to hang onto for a while longer.

Last year, I experienced blessing, achievement, disappointment, and failure in my business. I excelled in some areas and fell far short in others but believe I have learned necessary lessons for going forward. We took the bold step in faith to homeschool the kids and have been blessed in so many ways by that. Mike got a promotion at work right before Christmas that he worked hard for and we prayed diligently for. And our families came together to help us give the kids a super awesome swingset for Christmas, which has been a dream of mine for many years. So, you can see that 2015 was very, very good to us.

Kiki and Danny Gator going down the slide together. :)

I decided to start this year pretty much the same as last year, with the Miracle Morning (which if you haven't read yet, you absolutely must). So, yesterday and today, both, I woke up at 5:30 and came downstairs for peaceful and quiet prayer, reading, journaling, and of course, coffee. It is absolutely glorious to have that hour or two completely to myself (plus a couple snuggly kitties).

Miracle Morning Day 1

Y'all knew this was coming, right? My New Year's post? Well, actually, this isn't the one. That one will show up in the next couple of days in the wee dark hours of the morning from a deep place of contemplation and reflection. ;) This post isn't that one. (Although I am listening to my favorite version of the Pachelbel by the beautiful and talented Laura Sullivan, which is my music for contemplation. Seriously, go check her out. She's absolutely amazing.)


I normally love the last day of the month anyway because I get to make a fresh new calendar for my fridge and I love the excitement of a new month. The last day of the year is even more exciting!! First thing I did today was sit down with  my coffee, my calendar, and my markers!

New Year's Eve 2014 - Kiki and Danny couldn't make it.

NYE 2014 - Reagan

NYE 2014 - Caleb

NYE 2010 - Caleb

NYE 2009 - Reagan

And right now we are headed to our favorite place to spend New Year's Eve with our favorite people. Happy New Year everyone!! Be safe! Make memories! :)

Peace out!

I seem to have always had a penchant for discerning the moments in life that once they were gone and you could never get them back, that those particular types of moments are the kind that can cause deep regret later in life. You may say that all moments are moments you can't get back but I say that not all are ones you would want to. But there are some, when you and your children are laughing so hard over something really silly and you make eye contact and laugh even harder, when your child tells you something really special that you hope you never forget, when they learn something new and you know it was a blessing from God that you were there to witness the pride and excitement......those are the kinds that once you miss it, it's gone. It can never happen again, ever. Not when they're the same size with the same innocent smile, with the same baby fat or the same, well, anything. You missed it and it's gone.

I have always had a knack for recognizing when I have just witnessed one of these moments and realizing the need to capture it in my subconscious and try to hang on to it for the remainder of my existence. I have a deep need to collect these moments with my kids. The thought of missing one or forgetting one feels like suffocating and the tears begin burning and my chest feels like it might cave in. I haven't always been the mom I should have or could have been. Depression robbed me of recognizing the happiness in so many of my babies' early moments. But, by God, I was there!! No one can EVER accuse me of not being present for my children. I made sure of that, by being there.

It isn't always easy. I'm the first one to admit that sometimes I crave some time for myself. And I used to complain a lot about my lack of alone time. However, now that my kids are older and less demanding (read, all potty-trained, lol), and I'm not reeling from the grip of postpartum depression, it no longer feels like a life-suck to be with my kids 24-7. And since I really only get a few hours a month to myself, it's probably good that I do have a deep desire to be very active in the production of my kids' most core memories.

Today I took my kids to a pumpkin patch on the fly just because we passed by, it was beautiful, and the kids wanted to go. While we were there, I connected on a level with my son who had just realized how much he loves the Fall season. I got to see my daughters go crazy over all of the beautiful pumpkins. I got pictures of this day that I hope I remember for my lifetime because they were 11, 6, and 4 and absolutely precious and perfect and happy. And one day they might not want to go to a pumpkin patch with me. When we got home they wanted to play ball, so I got out there and caught, batted, and pitched with them. We played baseball barefoot in the cool autumn grass. I showed them honeysuckle and taught them to smell and taste the nectar. The four of us laughed and played until we were tired, hungry, and happy.





I don't ever want to be the mom that took for granted the gift of her childrens' childhoods. Because it is so fleeting. One day you will turn around and remember them (or not) the way they used to be, look, smile, laugh. And when it's gone, it's gone. They are only little boys and little girls so long and then they say, "so long". So, make the sacrifices of time and personal things, make side trips, forego "plans" so you can do something better, play ball, say yes, and be there and be present. Put the iPad or the phone down and be present. Study their tiny faces, the lines of their smiles, their tiny teeth, their eyes when they laugh. These are the special times they WILL remember. Let them remember your face, your smiles, your eyes when you were laughing, and the look of you completely soaking them in for all eternity. It's what matters. Don't miss it.

If someone would have asked me only two years ago what I would be doing Fall 2015 I would have known exactly what to tell them. I was going to finally be living for me again!! Heavens, yes!! I was going to finally have the time to devote to growing my electrology practice and proper marketing, and for the first time in 11 years I was going to be able to hardcore focus on my dreams, for at least 6 hours per day. Because that's when our youngest would be old enough for Pre-K. I couldn't wait! I just knew it would be glorious.

The amazing Team I am privileged to be a part of is currently holding their leadership development class, Coach Basics (training for new Team Beachbody coaches). I am re-taking the class as well because I have new coaches enrolled and I like to be part of the training with them. It's a really wonderful "boot camp" for new coaches because the first part of the training really helps to guide them through all of the basics of their new business and get them off to a great start. Day 2 of the training focuses on the development of a strong, emotional WHY. If you have ever been through a goal-setting class or done much professional development training, you will know this is a common theme in anything to do with personal achievement. If the reason you want something is strong enough and there is some deep emotional component atttached to it, you are more likely to reach your goal than if you didn't really have much thought invested in your goal. We teach very much the same thing to our fitness challengers. You have to have a deep, emotional reason for wanting to lose weight, get healthy, or get in shape or you won't be serious about sticking with your fitness and nutrition plan through the difficult times.