I seem to have always had a penchant for discerning the moments in life that once they were gone and you could never get them back, that those particular types of moments are the kind that can cause deep regret later in life. You may say that all moments are moments you can't get back but I say that not all are ones you would want to. But there are some, when you and your children are laughing so hard over something really silly and you make eye contact and laugh even harder, when your child tells you something really special that you hope you never forget, when they learn something new and you know it was a blessing from God that you were there to witness the pride and excitement......those are the kinds that once you miss it, it's gone. It can never happen again, ever. Not when they're the same size with the same innocent smile, with the same baby fat or the same, well, anything. You missed it and it's gone.

I have always had a knack for recognizing when I have just witnessed one of these moments and realizing the need to capture it in my subconscious and try to hang on to it for the remainder of my existence. I have a deep need to collect these moments with my kids. The thought of missing one or forgetting one feels like suffocating and the tears begin burning and my chest feels like it might cave in. I haven't always been the mom I should have or could have been. Depression robbed me of recognizing the happiness in so many of my babies' early moments. But, by God, I was there!! No one can EVER accuse me of not being present for my children. I made sure of that, by being there.

It isn't always easy. I'm the first one to admit that sometimes I crave some time for myself. And I used to complain a lot about my lack of alone time. However, now that my kids are older and less demanding (read, all potty-trained, lol), and I'm not reeling from the grip of postpartum depression, it no longer feels like a life-suck to be with my kids 24-7. And since I really only get a few hours a month to myself, it's probably good that I do have a deep desire to be very active in the production of my kids' most core memories.

Today I took my kids to a pumpkin patch on the fly just because we passed by, it was beautiful, and the kids wanted to go. While we were there, I connected on a level with my son who had just realized how much he loves the Fall season. I got to see my daughters go crazy over all of the beautiful pumpkins. I got pictures of this day that I hope I remember for my lifetime because they were 11, 6, and 4 and absolutely precious and perfect and happy. And one day they might not want to go to a pumpkin patch with me. When we got home they wanted to play ball, so I got out there and caught, batted, and pitched with them. We played baseball barefoot in the cool autumn grass. I showed them honeysuckle and taught them to smell and taste the nectar. The four of us laughed and played until we were tired, hungry, and happy.





I don't ever want to be the mom that took for granted the gift of her childrens' childhoods. Because it is so fleeting. One day you will turn around and remember them (or not) the way they used to be, look, smile, laugh. And when it's gone, it's gone. They are only little boys and little girls so long and then they say, "so long". So, make the sacrifices of time and personal things, make side trips, forego "plans" so you can do something better, play ball, say yes, and be there and be present. Put the iPad or the phone down and be present. Study their tiny faces, the lines of their smiles, their tiny teeth, their eyes when they laugh. These are the special times they WILL remember. Let them remember your face, your smiles, your eyes when you were laughing, and the look of you completely soaking them in for all eternity. It's what matters. Don't miss it.