The beginning of another year is always so exciting to me! It's a blank slate, a chance to start over and do better, a fresh opportunity. I have been very busy the last week or so making plans for my 2014; writing down goals, saving photos to paste on my dream board, journaling my wishes and desires for my family, my self, and my two businesses. What I haven't done much of is reflect on the previous year. At the most, I have marvelled at what I have accomplished (as it is quite marvelous, if I do say so myself). Those are things such as finally getting my health and fitness back on track, sticking to a fitness program for longer than a few days, getting out of my comfort zone and beginning to build a successful business, and standing up for myself in a variety of other ways. I have come to know "me" on a deeper level. Those things are great testimonies!
But there are some struggles that linger, that I'm still dealing with. I've made a lot of progress but I haven't arrived. One of these struggles is with postpartum-turned-chronic depression (since I'm not sure I can, technically, still call it postpartum now that Kinley will be 3 next month, lol). Fitness and nutrition have, without a shred of doubt, helped to put those horrible, agonizing days behind me. I owe so very much to Team Beachbody for giving me the tools I needed to climb out of that deep, dark pit. What I'm left with are the dirty rags of shame and guilt that I'm assuming will take a little longer to shed completely. But I'm getting there and that's what is important to remember.
I'm currently reading Joel Osteen's I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life. It's a wonderful, empowering 31 day devotional journey. Today, the passage I read caused me to look back over my journey with PPD and my eyes are opened to see the grace that was extended to me to get through such a harrowing time. You see, there were days when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, the whole world was dark and cold. I believed, at times, that I couldn't survive it and, even others, when I didn't want to. It's hard to understand if you've never experienced it but I believe PPD is a deeper, darker, lonlier place to dwell than a more common clinical depression. It has too many other faces and they all hide behind or get lumped under the name Postpartum Depression.
Today's passage said that God gives us the grace and favor we need for the time we are in. He does it one day at a time and that is how we live through it. It's easy, looking back, to wonder how I ever made it but the truth is that I survived each day, a day at a time. And it's only looking back, collectively, that you can say, "I have arrived." But we all have to do it one day at a time. I'm sure this may not be a great revelation for some of you, and that is fine. It is such a blessing for me to know that, though, it may appear to some looking in on my life that I went from Point A to Point B but I'm still on this journey. The train is still rolling and I'm still walking out the changes in my life. One day at a time. Sometimes I go through valleys. I'm going through one now in the days following the death of my grandfather. But experience has taught me that I'm gathering what I need from this experience and carrying it with me so that I can share what I have learned with others who follow. And that, I believe, is part of God's purpose for carrying me through the valleys vs. transporting me out of them completely, though He certainly has the power to do so. Had I not gone through the level of pain that I did, I would not have had the courage or knowledge to take hold of someone else's hand and walk with them out of their valley. And it is now my blessing to watch these transformations take place and know that my misery served a higher purpose.
So, my goal this year is to help as many people as I can to see their potential and reach for it! I'm not only talking about through Team Beachbody and my incredible accountability groups but my children. This year I will embark on another humbling, pretty scary, but exciting journey to homeschool my 3 kiddos. It is not something I ever considered or thought myself capable of doing but I feel called to do it and I know He will give me the grace and Wisdom to do it His way. There are a number of reasons I could list for why I feel called to do this but this is the one that keeps coming out on paper when I journal about this subject. God gave these children to me and my most important job as their mother is to lead them back to Him, to help them see their God-given potential and give them the tools to reach for it.
Yes, I know that 2014 is going to be an amazing year for my family. I can't wait to see what God is going to do!! Happy New Year to you all!
What are some of your goals for this year? I'd love to hear them! You can comment below, email me, or message me through Facebook if you'd rather not share publicly.
**If you're interested in learning more about one of my upcoming accountability groups, email me at chrissie828@gmail.com or send me a message through Facebook. :)
