Showing posts with label ppdchat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ppdchat. Show all posts
Chrissie
I wish I knew what made that little switch flip. Ya know, the one when you've finally had enough of everything that's wrong and you just decide you're not going to live like that anymore? I suppose this is about the 3rd time in my life I've reached that point. I love this meme that I've seen go around on social media. It was so extremely true for me 3 years ago when I just refused to live in the fog of postpartum depression any longer.


I had been living inside a deep dark depression for two years and I knew if I didn't do something about it that it would destroy me. And for some reason, at the very pinnacle of my health and fitness, I threw it all away. I definitely got thrown for a loop after I completed my Spartan Race. I think there was just so much that transpired during the months surrounding that race. Reagan's health issues and trouble in school finally hit the fan, I withdrew her from school and in a whirlwind decided to homeschool her, I quit my job, we moved out of the house my children had been growing up in, a home where we had been happy, my grandfather died, and the race I had been preparing myself for, mentally and physically, was over. 

The race was so physically demanding that I took some mandatory rest days after. During that rest period I finally had to face all of the other issues that had required my attention. I didn't know what to do about anything and I felt like the identity I had worked so hard for over the last year was now into suspension and I didn't know what was next. My rest period never ended. I have jumped back into my workouts here and there but haven't stuck with it in all that time. And now, here I am, 50+ pounds heavier, depressed again, and more miserable, physically, than ever. 

Well, this week, that switch flipped again. Enough is enough. How long can I justify destroying my health when I have SO much to live for? My career is finally in a really wonderful place!! Seriously, God is doing some absolutely amazing and wonderful things through my career. I couldn't be more excited watching my and my family's dreams coming true! What an incredible blessing! Homeschooling is going fabulously as well! Reagan has her first drama club performance next week. She will be Linus in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. She is doing pretty well with her school curriculum and her behavior since we started chiropractic and essential oils has made a complete 180. It's astounding! Caleb is reading and Kiki starts Kindergarten in a few weeks!

When so much of my life is finally taking off in the right direction, why do I still lean on the same old crutches that I used to justify because of a bad first marriage and a heartbreaking divorce? It's been 10 years. Really, it's been 10 years ago this year. It's time to move on. 

So, I'm on Day 2 of 21 Day Fix (again, lol). But the switch is flipped, my diet is on track, and I'm feeling great! Forgot to take my starting measurements so I will try to do that tomorrow. Join me on myfitnesspal and let's cheer each other on! :)

Peace out!



Chrissie
Let me just preface this by saying that it is a very long post and it has been a long time coming. I just wasn't sure how to go about sharing something that was both deeply spiritual and overwhelmingly physically trying. I am thoroughly convinced that this post doesn't even begin to shed light on the kind of accomplishment it is to complete one of these races. Those who go on to complete Spartan Supers and Beasts have my utmost respect and admiration.

Ok, where to start, where to start? So you all know by now that I'm a Beachbody coach and I love seeing the impact that proper exercise and nutrition can have on someone's whole life. Whether it's through use of a Beachbody program or not, the changes that take place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually when you make the choice to get off the couch are absolutely unprecedented! That's why, when last year my brother (5 years younger, who was, at the time, expecting his first baby) asked me to sign up to do a race with him, I said "Hell yeah!", wanting to give him all of my support. [***Disclaimer** I am by absolutely zero means a runner of any fashion. I don't run. And I have always supported the statement 'If you SEE me running, you had better run too because there's something chasing me'!] I told him to pick a local race and we would train for it and do it! Little did I know that he would pick the Spartan Sprint to be held in a mere 7 months!!!!

Not knowing much about the Spartan Race other than it being what I considered to be "extreme" I set off for Google and YouTube. If I could use one word to describe my reaction, it would be 'terror'. I was completely terrified. I read comments from others describing painful injuries, hypothermia, broken limbs, permanent disability, and the possibility of death!! To say I was scared is an understatement like no other. I procrastinated on signing up. Then I got the email invite from my brother to sign up with Team Mudstache so I bit the bullet and began filling out the forms. When I got to the liability waivers, I panicked! I had 3 small children; how could I sign a waiver of liability in the event of my permanent disability or even death?!? So, I stopped and prayed about it for a couple of days and the Scripture that kept coming to me was 2 Timothy 1:7 "For I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." So, I signed the waiver.



I had planned to train much harder than I actually did over the months that followed but I completed P90X and started T25 before we bought a house and began packing for a move. The move consumed nearly two months of me as well as a procrastination out of self pity over the loss of my grandfather just days before Christmas. Before I knew it, it was just days before the race. I got some workouts in early that week and then figured I was as in shape as I was going to be. Instead I concentrated on hydrating and trying to stay injury free despite a tumble down the stairs in our new house mid week. Aah!! Thankfully, I was only bruised in the fall! 

My nerves twisted into bundles that grew each day that week. The night before the race Mike took me and the kids to my favorite restaurant to eat my "last meal", lol! I barely slept the whole night, I was so on edge. I had nightmares and waking anxiety about oversleeping. Once I woke up in a cold sweat and nauseous, convinced I had come down with the flu and would not be able to race. Finally, my alarm went off and the adrenaline began to rush! It was race day!!

The day before I had bought myself some awesome new workout clothes to wear for the race so I got dressed, made my Shakeology, and waited for my brother to arrive to pick me up. When he arrived, the kids wished us luck and I hugged them goodbye. Mike exchanged words with Casey which were something along the lines of me returning in one piece. Ha! I hopped in the truck and we were off. We picked up both of our team members along the way and headed for the horse park in Conyers for what would be a first Spartan Race for all four of us. My stomach was light and jumpy the whole way there and as we pulled into the park and found our parking space, I was sure I would faint. 

The walk to the sign-in stand from the parking lot was a distance all by itself and I retreated into my own mind during the walk, contemplating several times turning around and waiting at the truck for the guys! The weather was perfectly gorgeous! Sunny and cool, 50ish early and probably close to 70 by midday. As we approached the entrance you actually walk under one of the obstacles, The Bridge. I got in line and picked up my envelope and the guys and I went in and started attaching our timing bracelets and race bibs. After we got our stuff stowed away we made our way toward the start gate for our 11:45 heat time. Right before you get to the gate, there is a table with people handing out sharpies and offering to "mark" you. I let one of the ladies mark my bib number on my left calf and we got in line at the gate for our heat. At this point my nerves went into overdrive. I can't quite explain what was happening in my stomach at that moment. I began reciting Scripture in my head, "You were made for such a time as this." and "Nothing shall in any way harm you."

When they unlocked the gate to let our group in, to my surprise, you had to go over an obstacle just to get to the start corral. It was a 5 foot wall, which I pitifully attempted and failed miserably at. It was humiliating and I wanted to cry, run and hide, and die all at once. Casey said, "Really?" and boosted me over. That is when dread set in, not just fear or nerves, but dread and terror. For 5-10 minutes while waiting in the corral with everyone else I fought an overwhelming urge to run into the woods and vomit repeatedly. Oddly for me, the shame of quitting scared me more than the fear of going through with the race. There was a guy at the head of the line with a microphone and he must have been saying something motivational because everyone was cheering and shouting. Then the crowd of racers began chanting, "Aroo, aroo, aroo!", a gunshot sounded and we were off!!

**This is not my photo but one I found on Google of the same race. 


I took off after my brother at a decent paced jog and at about 200 yards in I was already tired of running! Bahahaha!! You see, I thought that all the cardio I had done in my super awesome workouts like P90X, Les Mills, Combat, and T25 had prepared me enough so I never bothered with any running training. The first obstacle was The Steeplechase. It was a series of low fences preceding knee deep mud pits which you had to jump over and into which ensured muddy shoes from the get-go and for the remainder of the day. Running became even more enjoyable after that. <insert sarcastic smirk>

I no longer remember the exact order of the obstacles after that but there was a series of over-unders, a very long and low crawl-under obstacle that we opted to roll under which made it so much easier, and a slanted inversion wall to start with. The slanted inversion wall was awesome. I was so proud of myself having the strength to pull myself over that wall! Early on were also the giant mud pits. The pits were about 8 feet deep and half filled with mud so that when you slid down into the pit, you were waist deep in freezing cold muddy water that you then had to wade through to find a rope to pull yourself up and out the other side. There were 3 of these to get through. My favorite part of this obstacle was when, after climbing out of the 3rd and last pit, the guy next to me turned to look back at the obstacle we had just overcome and said, "That was fun!" Something sparked in me and, at that moment, I could feel the Holy Spirit smiling in my own spirit. 

**This is not my photo but one I found on Google of the same race. 


There were more walls, traditionally called Hobie walls, each time getting taller, 7 foot, 8 foot, and finally 9 foot. Casey and Steven boosted me on all of them. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the two of them. There was more running, steep climbs up and down, sometimes in deep mud. And there was mud, lots of mud. Deep mud, slippery mud, sliding mud, crazy mud. When I started feeling weak and tired on the trail I would recite Scripture to myself. On the slippery sharp rocks in the creek and the mud slides going downhill it was, "He makes my feet as the hind's feet." When I hit a wall of exhaustion it was "He renews my energy and I mount up on wings as eagles."

The spear throwing obstacle was the first one we all failed and had to take the 30 burpee penalty. Let me just say that 30 burpees when you're already exhausted is brutal. The Herculean Hoist was so FUN!! The sandbag is about 50 pounds and is attached to a rope and pulley. You have to hoist the sandbag to the top of the pulley and then lower it back down without letting the sandbag fall or land hard. It was hard and it totally wasted my forearms but I rocked it like a beast! Immediately following was the bridge obstacle which happened to be the bridge we entered the race grounds through when we arrived that morning. The nearly vertical climb to the top of the bridge was on widely spaced, narrow, wooden boards. It should have been fairly easy for me but with my forearms shaking and weak, it was not at all. The top is made from the same widely spaced boards. No room for error at all and nothing to hold on to. It was just high enough that I felt queasy getting across. Next up was the traverse wall which was another team fail and 30 burpees each were paid. At this point you believe you're almost done because you've already come approximately 3 miles. Wrong! 

The trail continued back into the woods for more trail running. At one point, the trail wound along the edge of a cliff that looked over a beautiful valley and I literally stopped to admire the amazing view and praise God for the gift of it all and for encouraging me to go out and play in it. 

One of the next obstacles we came to was called The Choice. You could either climb a 500 foot sheer cliff face with nothing but a cargo net or you could run to the top following the trail the long way around. The guys chose straight up so that is what we did. I walked up to the net and began to put one hand and foot in front of the other, focusing only on my hand and foot placement. I never looked up, down, or back and became quite oblivious to the others around me. I was terrified. Once I became aware that I was at the side edge of the net and realized that I was very high up with nothing to catch me if I was to fall off that net, except about 20 other Spartans behind me, lol. Others around me caused the net to shake and wobble and the cliff face curved inward where there was nothing to hold onto BUT the net. Again I started quoting Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me." and "Nothing shall in any way harm you." I could hear Casey calling down to me from the top. When I finally reached the top and climbed over the edge of the net to safe ground, I dropped to my knees nearly in tears, completely overcome with emotion. But...ever onward. There was still more racing to do. 


**This is not my photo but one I found on Google of the same race.


After that I had new passion, new oomph! I ran with more speed and more energy. We ran up for what seemed like forever and the scene reminded me of Band of Brothers when they climbed Currahee up in Toccoa, GA. When we came to the sandbag carry, I grabbed my sandbag, slung it over my shoulder, and continued the upward trek. Casey came up beside me and we commiserated over sore muscles for a moment before I suddenly felt inspired and shouted 'Currahee!' and picked up the pace, finally heading back down the trail and jogged past the guys. I heard one of them wonder out loud, "What the hell is she doing?" Hahaha!

I opted out of the rope climb after watching all 3 guys fail out and imagining myself breaking an ankle, so I gracefully (or not) paid my 30 burpees and headed over to the slippery 10 foot inverted wall. You have to use a rope to pull yourself over. I started out well until I was about a foot from the top when I slipped and fell down dangling from the rope. I couldn't get any traction but was so wasted with exhaustion that I was chanting, "No! I can't do more burpees!!" About that time, Steven popped up from the other side and gave me his hand! I was able to throw my leg over and got to the other side. Whew!

The next and almost last obstacle was a mud crawl/swim almost a quarter mile in length under barbed wire. It was slow, cold, slimy, and painful as there were sharp rocks (and other things) in the shallow mud that you had to slither through. But it was awesome!! The guys were waiting on the other side for me and we jumped over the fiery logs and fought the gladiators (basically dudes in costumes hitting you with giant marshmallows, lol) and....crossed the Finish Line!!

When I crossed that finish line, the one that actually says You Will Know at the Finish Line, I nearly broke down in tears. And when the cute muddy girl came over to me and put my medals around my neck, I did break down in tears. I will never be able to accurately describe that feeling with words. There are no words for that amazing feeling. I may have been that girl walking around collecting my banana and protein drink, muttering "I did it! I really did it! I finished! I didn't think I could and I did! I really did!" I cried again when I wrote that in my journal and I'm crying now typing it here. What an overwhelming accomplishment for me. 

And I completed my journal entry that day with these final words:

"And it's over now. Thank God!! I'm a Spartan!!!"

AROO!! 
















Chrissie
Not coincidentally, it has been a very long time since I updated this blog. However, I am making a new commitment to try to post here much more frequently. It has been on my heart for quite some time that I had a story others may be able to relate to and possibly even benefit from. So, this is my attempt at resurrecting this blog and bring you all more intimately into my journey.


Like SO many women, I have struggled the majority of my life with self-esteem issues. And also like a lot of other women, I believed that my low self-esteem was because of my appearance. I was always awkward, taller than other girls and felt very boyish, although I was never overweight until adulthood. 

I married at 20 and gained considerably in the first 2 years. By year 3, I was the heaviest I had ever been. I only shopped in the men's department because I hated the way women's clothing looked on me. My marriage was suffering and I felt awful about myself and blamed all of it on my weight. So, I set out with determination and lost 50 pounds in about 6 months' time. I felt pretty good and loved being able to fit into cute clothes again. While I had made a few healthy choices, including more exercise and cutting way back on portions, I was still a smoker and my "portions" usually consisted of unhealthy foods. And I was consuming a LOT of diet soda. 

Shortly after I lost that 50th pound, I became pregnant with Reagan. On July 4, 2003 my life changed drastically, forever. It's a good thing, then, that I couldn't see what the next 10 years would bring. Ha! But that is when my agonizing roller coaster ride of antenatal and postpartum illness began. Only, back then, I had no idea what was happening to me and there was no such thing as Google, Twitter, and Ms. Katherine Stone's wonderful www.postpartumprogress.com . But there WAS iVillage. (insert deliriously happy face)

The next few years were tragic, sad, exciting, happy, terrifying, and spiritual all wrapped up in one. I went through a divorce, moved back home with a toddler, went back to school, moved to the other side of the globe, and got remarried. Whew! Those three years were my transitional years. I quit smoking, decided on a career path, and set out to redefine who I was as a woman, wife, and mother. 

Caleb came in 2009 and I thought that since my life was so dramatically improved that I wouldn't have the same postpartum experiences as I did with Reagan. But another traumatic birth experience and some circumstantial issues combined with a predisposition toward depression and an ugly new factor called D-MER proved me very, very wrong. But I fought hard and became educated about what was going on with me. And I had my amazing iVillage family that supported me through it. 

The Spring after Caleb was born I enrolled in Electrology school and began Weight Watchers. I was pursuing my dream and losing weight in a much healthier way than I had in the past. I felt amazing. I had beaten postpartum illness, I had an amazing husband, two amazing children, and I was chasing down my dreams. Life was so good. 

And SURPRISE!! The week of Caleb's 1st birthday we found out we were expecting again. As horrible as it sounds, I felt completely devastated at first. I experienced a wide and wild range of emotions in the beginning from utter terror to a calm peace that everything was going to work out. 

The antenatal illness didn't really set in until after our move back to GA the Fall before Kinley was born. But when it did, it hit with a vengeance. There were days I was certain I wouldn't make it. But I did. Kinley was born on a warm day in February a couple weeks after a horrible ice storm. As prepared as we tried to be for the post-delivery complications I had experienced in the past, we couldn't prevent it from happening again. So, another traumatic birth experience coming fresh out of severe antenatal illness combined with an early onset of D-MER...I was doomed from the beginning. I was a rock star the first week or so at home with the three kids. And then the hideous PPD monster reared its ugly head and I plunged into the deepest darkness I have ever experienced. 

I can sit here right now and tell you readers that I don't know how I got through it. God's Grace is the only thing I can imagine that carried me through safely to the other side. Like the Footprints poem that my Murr loved so much; I definitely only saw one set of footprints during that time. But it certainly felt like I was all alone and going it on my own. 

Because of how severe the illness was and how deep the feelings of self-loathing I ate (and drank. Lots of delicious home-brewed beer.). I gained a LOT of weight. I tried Weight Watchers again but failed. I had pretty much resolved that I would always be heavy from here on out and there was no sense in making myself more miserable trying to lose what couldn't be lost. 

But I had this wonderful girlfriend on Facebook (now my rockstar Beachbody coach) that was a fellow iVillager. She had been doing this thing called Shakeology and P90X and was always talking about how wonderful she felt. She posted pictures of her progress and she looked absolutely amazing. For a YEAR I watched her go through this incredible transformation before I decided that I wanted in on this deal too. So, Mike and I decided to go for it. We signed up for a P90X and Shakeology Challenge Group and I signed as a coach to get the amazing Shakeology discount that I was sure we would need with both of us doing it.  


IT. CHANGED. MY. LIFE. 

The Shakeology made a difference immediately for me. I had so much energy, I didn't crave the usual salty snacks or the pizza or the sweets, and I just felt....Good! I am proud to say that Mike and I stuck to the rigorous P90X routine nearly perfectly for the first 20 or so days (try doing anything new consistently for 21 days! It's harder than you think!). I suffered with the most horrible shin splints the entire time and then I sprained my ankle. And within a week or so, I had completely quit my workouts and the Shakeology. 

Then an amazing work opportunity came along for me and my life changed again. All of our lives changed when I started working part time and Caleb and Kinley started preschool. In March of this year, the preschool had a book fair and did something called Muffins for Moms. I went to the school that morning to spend the day with Caleb. While I was there, the school photographer was going around snapping photos of all the kiddos with their moms. A few days later, my picture showed up on the preschool's Facebook page, standing next to Caleb at the book fair. I was mortified at how huge I looked. I was shocked and ashamed that I had let myself get that way and decided on the spot that I was going to change it.


I started drinking my Shakeology again every single day and I bought Les Mills Combat fitness program because I thought it would be better for my schedule with it being shorter workout durations than P90X. I lost a good amount of weight on Shakeology and diet changes alone before I started Combat but I didn't start seeing the physical changes to my body until after I started Combat. 

Here are my Les Mills Combat results!! I'm still far out from my goal fitness level but I'm so thrilled with the progress that I've made. And I love that so many people have come forward to tell me how motivated and inspired they have been by watching my transformation over the last few months. That blesses me so much! 


Even better than an awesome physical transformation is the mental and spiritual transformation that has taken place. I feel like I have finally found the answer to keeping the depression at bay and my postpartum period is finally behind me forever. I can finally close that chapter of my life for good and know that my scars haven't left me bitter about it. Instead, God has used my mess to inspire others to better physical and mental health also. Through it all I have learned to love myself so much more which is what I think postpartum robs you of. It robs you of self-love by screaming at you that you're not good enough. Not a good enough wife, not a good enough mother, not a good enough woman, or maybe not even a good enough person. But having a loving support group, setting goals, and having the love of people gently pushing you to reach for your dreams and goals, and then doing it....that's the best feeling in the world. 


I have learned I can do anything in this world that I set out to do. If I can believe it, I can achieve it. I want my kids to grow up with the same belief in themselves. And I want new mothers out there who may be suffering what I suffered to know that they too can overcome and begin to love themselves again. 


That is Beachbody! Are you ready to make a change? Reach out