Showing posts with label postpartum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label postpartum. Show all posts
These Are the Special Times
Chrissie
I seem to have always had a penchant for discerning the moments in life that once they were gone and you could never get them back, that those particular types of moments are the kind that can cause deep regret later in life. You may say that all moments are moments you can't get back but I say that not all are ones you would want to. But there are some, when you and your children are laughing so hard over something really silly and you make eye contact and laugh even harder, when your child tells you something really special that you hope you never forget, when they learn something new and you know it was a blessing from God that you were there to witness the pride and excitement......those are the kinds that once you miss it, it's gone. It can never happen again, ever. Not when they're the same size with the same innocent smile, with the same baby fat or the same, well, anything. You missed it and it's gone.

I have always had a knack for recognizing when I have just witnessed one of these moments and realizing the need to capture it in my subconscious and try to hang on to it for the remainder of my existence. I have a deep need to collect these moments with my kids. The thought of missing one or forgetting one feels like suffocating and the tears begin burning and my chest feels like it might cave in. I haven't always been the mom I should have or could have been. Depression robbed me of recognizing the happiness in so many of my babies' early moments. But, by God, I was there!! No one can EVER accuse me of not being present for my children. I made sure of that, by being there.

It isn't always easy. I'm the first one to admit that sometimes I crave some time for myself. And I used to complain a lot about my lack of alone time. However, now that my kids are older and less demanding (read, all potty-trained, lol), and I'm not reeling from the grip of postpartum depression, it no longer feels like a life-suck to be with my kids 24-7. And since I really only get a few hours a month to myself, it's probably good that I do have a deep desire to be very active in the production of my kids' most core memories.

Today I took my kids to a pumpkin patch on the fly just because we passed by, it was beautiful, and the kids wanted to go. While we were there, I connected on a level with my son who had just realized how much he loves the Fall season. I got to see my daughters go crazy over all of the beautiful pumpkins. I got pictures of this day that I hope I remember for my lifetime because they were 11, 6, and 4 and absolutely precious and perfect and happy. And one day they might not want to go to a pumpkin patch with me. When we got home they wanted to play ball, so I got out there and caught, batted, and pitched with them. We played baseball barefoot in the cool autumn grass. I showed them honeysuckle and taught them to smell and taste the nectar. The four of us laughed and played until we were tired, hungry, and happy.






I don't ever want to be the mom that took for granted the gift of her childrens' childhoods. Because it is so fleeting. One day you will turn around and remember them (or not) the way they used to be, look, smile, laugh. And when it's gone, it's gone. They are only little boys and little girls so long and then they say, "so long". So, make the sacrifices of time and personal things, make side trips, forego "plans" so you can do something better, play ball, say yes, and be there and be present. Put the iPad or the phone down and be present. Study their tiny faces, the lines of their smiles, their tiny teeth, their eyes when they laugh. These are the special times they WILL remember. Let them remember your face, your smiles, your eyes when you were laughing, and the look of you completely soaking them in for all eternity. It's what matters. Don't miss it.
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The Power of a Powerful Why
Chrissie
The amazing Team I am privileged to be a part of is currently holding their leadership development class, Coach Basics (training for new Team Beachbody coaches). I am re-taking the class as well because I have new coaches enrolled and I like to be part of the training with them. It's a really wonderful "boot camp" for new coaches because the first part of the training really helps to guide them through all of the basics of their new business and get them off to a great start. Day 2 of the training focuses on the development of a strong, emotional WHY. If you have ever been through a goal-setting class or done much professional development training, you will know this is a common theme in anything to do with personal achievement. If the reason you want something is strong enough and there is some deep emotional component atttached to it, you are more likely to reach your goal than if you didn't really have much thought invested in your goal. We teach very much the same thing to our fitness challengers. You have to have a deep, emotional reason for wanting to lose weight, get healthy, or get in shape or you won't be serious about sticking with your fitness and nutrition plan through the difficult times.

So, my WHY has pretty much always been the same but seems to intensify as time goes on. So, tonight as I was preparing my assignment, I realized I have never publicly shared my WHY for doing what I do. Yes, I believe it is my calling to help women learn how to regain their self-esteem and God has provided many avenues for me to do this: Esthetics, Electrolysis, my various social media sites and groups, and now my challenge groups via Team Beachbody. What a blessing!! But my WHY...is much more personal and emotional. It is the driving force behind everything action I take each day. My WHY is the big picture behind each goal I set. So, I want to share with you what I shared with my leadership group because I think my WHY is the same as so many other moms out there who may not know there is a better way. There IS a better way. I can show you a better way. 


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My 'WHY' as a Team Beachbody coach is a collective of many mental images but can be summed up in one word: Freedom.



I have always had a difficult time coming under authority but it all came to a head after my first daughter was born in 2004 and I had to return to work when she was only 6 weeks old. Everything inside of me rejected the idea of spending 8 hours a day inside a tiny, windowless cubicle shuffling papers for a man whose wife got to be home with her kids while my sweet baby was being raised by a stranger. I spent my lunch breaks in the restroom sobbing. In desperation, I signed up as a Mary Kay consultant, my first exposure to Network Marketing. That amazing company introduced me to the wonderful notion called personal development. I began using my 8 hours to listen to endless training and teaching tapes by the most phenomenal and inspirational women in Network Marketing. I basically filled my head with personal development for 40 hours a week for months on end. It was then that I began to see what was possible. I could see that there was freedom outside of my cubicle walls. And I wanted it very badly!

It wasn't until Team Beachbody was introduced to me that I discovered the perfect vehicle for that freedom. The word freedom here embodies many different types of freedom for me. Freedom from the dead weight of a dead-end paycheck-to-paycheck job, freedom from a nightmarish traffic commute, freedom from mediocre, average, and ordinary, and freedom of location. Financial freedom is a BIG one! Freeing my family from the debt of student loans will be a dream come true for me. But the really HUGE freedom, the one that hits the emotional hotspot for me is FREEDOM FROM REGRET.

Let me tell you something. I have memories of my oldest daughter in her infant to toddler years playing dress up and singing and dancing in the living room. I have memories of her wearing her Little Mermaid swimsuit, wearing giant water wings, posing in her favorite sunglasses. I have all kinds of memories.



I have memories of my 2 year old son's fluffy cloth-diaper butt pushing his dump truck up our driveway as fast as he could, chubby legs flying out to the sides.




That little girl is about to be 10 and my son's legs aren't chubby anymore. My youngest daughter is about to turn 3. 




The pain that I feel at the thought of missing any part of what little remains of their childhood just about kills me. That pain is called regret. I refuse to regret missing out on the shortest, yet most vitally important part of their lives. I want to have those snapshot memories. And I want to have them while being free from debt and obligation. I want my husband to be free to choose whether or not he wants to work away from home. I want to be free to take my family and make new snapshot memories on the fly. I want FREEDOM. I want it for my family. 
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I know so many of you reading this can relate to that sinking feeling. That overwhelming sadness at having missed out on something that you can never, ever get back. If you can relate, this is what I want you to know: There is a better way. And even if you don't find it through Team Beachbody, go find it. Go find it!



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P90X: Finishing Up
Chrissie
Once again I have let time get away from me. I had intended to blog my P90X experience and now I am almost done with P90X! It has been a trying experience to be sure. And a long, drawn out one at times as sickness, injuries, and other setbacks have delayed me. But I haven't given up and I think that is what is important to remember. Sticking with it and moving forward. No matter how long it takes me to finish, staying with it is what produces the results. I see people too frequently think they have to start all over again when setbacks occur, and, listen to me.....they always do!! If I had to start over every time I had a delay, I would NEVER finish. I'm in it for the results, not the perfection of sticking to a schedule. The schedule is there to help you and guide you, not rule you. 

So, speaking of results!! I, obviously do not have "final" results yet but I took some photos a couple weeks ago to mark my progress so far with P90X because I just "needed to see" tangible evidence that this program was working. Here's the thing I have learned about P90X: You will most likely not see dramatic weight loss right off the bat or even from week to week. The victories you see with P90X are mostly non-scale related. I haven't lost a lot of weight with this program, not like when I was doing Combat. BUT, I have lost 3 pants sizes!!! I can wear a fitted shirt and not have side-belly spillover!!! I have muscles that I have never seen before!!! I have stamina that I never had before, I can wear clothes I haven't been able to wear in years, I look better in my wedding dress now than when I wore it on my wedding day!!! Those things are immeasurable. So, here are my pictures from recently while we await my "final" pictures. 


So, in two weeks I will be done with this program and I'm trying to decide what program I will be doing next. P90X3 comes out in only 2 more days and I would LOVE to do it because it's all the hype right now and there will be a lot of groups forming for everyone to work out together. That's super exciting!! But we have lot of household dynamics changing at the current time and I don't know if a new purchase is wise. I have two programs that I haven't done that I am considering doing FIRST. In which order, I am not certain. We have Focus T25 which is an incredible program and we also have the Ultimate Reset which I really "need" to do to learn how to eat better and really bust through this plateau. 

So, I have been considering doing the Reset first after the beginning of the New Year and once we get moved into our new house! Yes, new house!!! So, Mike and I put a contract on a (new to us) house and if everything goes smoothly, our closing date is set for January 3. What better way to break in a new kitchen than with the Ultimate Reset and cooking wholesome delicious foods in it? 

These are exciting times for us and a little scary too. I turned in my notice at my current "away from home" job and am working it out through the end of the year. We are buying a house and moving. And now I feel called to homeschool my children, which when I really think about it answers more questions than it raises. So, I am praying about all of these things and exploring all of the possibilities. Ultimately, I know that He is in control and my job is to follow His will to the best of my ability. It doesn't always (read, rarely ever) make sense to my head what He is asking and where He is leading but it always turns out amazing. And it always gives me much to write about!! 

In the meantime, I will continue with my workouts and my wonderful, amazing challenge groups! Watching what God is doing in others' lives through those groups amazes me daily!! Trust me, if you have a desire for change in your life healthwise and fitness-wise, message me and I will help you. It is what I love to do. And the results speak for themselves. 


Here are some recent pictures of the shenanigans the kids have been up to. :)






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New beginnings!
Chrissie
Not coincidentally, it has been a very long time since I updated this blog. However, I am making a new commitment to try to post here much more frequently. It has been on my heart for quite some time that I had a story others may be able to relate to and possibly even benefit from. So, this is my attempt at resurrecting this blog and bring you all more intimately into my journey.


Like SO many women, I have struggled the majority of my life with self-esteem issues. And also like a lot of other women, I believed that my low self-esteem was because of my appearance. I was always awkward, taller than other girls and felt very boyish, although I was never overweight until adulthood. 

I married at 20 and gained considerably in the first 2 years. By year 3, I was the heaviest I had ever been. I only shopped in the men's department because I hated the way women's clothing looked on me. My marriage was suffering and I felt awful about myself and blamed all of it on my weight. So, I set out with determination and lost 50 pounds in about 6 months' time. I felt pretty good and loved being able to fit into cute clothes again. While I had made a few healthy choices, including more exercise and cutting way back on portions, I was still a smoker and my "portions" usually consisted of unhealthy foods. And I was consuming a LOT of diet soda. 

Shortly after I lost that 50th pound, I became pregnant with Reagan. On July 4, 2003 my life changed drastically, forever. It's a good thing, then, that I couldn't see what the next 10 years would bring. Ha! But that is when my agonizing roller coaster ride of antenatal and postpartum illness began. Only, back then, I had no idea what was happening to me and there was no such thing as Google, Twitter, and Ms. Katherine Stone's wonderful www.postpartumprogress.com . But there WAS iVillage. (insert deliriously happy face)

The next few years were tragic, sad, exciting, happy, terrifying, and spiritual all wrapped up in one. I went through a divorce, moved back home with a toddler, went back to school, moved to the other side of the globe, and got remarried. Whew! Those three years were my transitional years. I quit smoking, decided on a career path, and set out to redefine who I was as a woman, wife, and mother. 

Caleb came in 2009 and I thought that since my life was so dramatically improved that I wouldn't have the same postpartum experiences as I did with Reagan. But another traumatic birth experience and some circumstantial issues combined with a predisposition toward depression and an ugly new factor called D-MER proved me very, very wrong. But I fought hard and became educated about what was going on with me. And I had my amazing iVillage family that supported me through it. 

The Spring after Caleb was born I enrolled in Electrology school and began Weight Watchers. I was pursuing my dream and losing weight in a much healthier way than I had in the past. I felt amazing. I had beaten postpartum illness, I had an amazing husband, two amazing children, and I was chasing down my dreams. Life was so good. 

And SURPRISE!! The week of Caleb's 1st birthday we found out we were expecting again. As horrible as it sounds, I felt completely devastated at first. I experienced a wide and wild range of emotions in the beginning from utter terror to a calm peace that everything was going to work out. 

The antenatal illness didn't really set in until after our move back to GA the Fall before Kinley was born. But when it did, it hit with a vengeance. There were days I was certain I wouldn't make it. But I did. Kinley was born on a warm day in February a couple weeks after a horrible ice storm. As prepared as we tried to be for the post-delivery complications I had experienced in the past, we couldn't prevent it from happening again. So, another traumatic birth experience coming fresh out of severe antenatal illness combined with an early onset of D-MER...I was doomed from the beginning. I was a rock star the first week or so at home with the three kids. And then the hideous PPD monster reared its ugly head and I plunged into the deepest darkness I have ever experienced. 

I can sit here right now and tell you readers that I don't know how I got through it. God's Grace is the only thing I can imagine that carried me through safely to the other side. Like the Footprints poem that my Murr loved so much; I definitely only saw one set of footprints during that time. But it certainly felt like I was all alone and going it on my own. 

Because of how severe the illness was and how deep the feelings of self-loathing I ate (and drank. Lots of delicious home-brewed beer.). I gained a LOT of weight. I tried Weight Watchers again but failed. I had pretty much resolved that I would always be heavy from here on out and there was no sense in making myself more miserable trying to lose what couldn't be lost. 

But I had this wonderful girlfriend on Facebook (now my rockstar Beachbody coach) that was a fellow iVillager. She had been doing this thing called Shakeology and P90X and was always talking about how wonderful she felt. She posted pictures of her progress and she looked absolutely amazing. For a YEAR I watched her go through this incredible transformation before I decided that I wanted in on this deal too. So, Mike and I decided to go for it. We signed up for a P90X and Shakeology Challenge Group and I signed as a coach to get the amazing Shakeology discount that I was sure we would need with both of us doing it.  


IT. CHANGED. MY. LIFE. 

The Shakeology made a difference immediately for me. I had so much energy, I didn't crave the usual salty snacks or the pizza or the sweets, and I just felt....Good! I am proud to say that Mike and I stuck to the rigorous P90X routine nearly perfectly for the first 20 or so days (try doing anything new consistently for 21 days! It's harder than you think!). I suffered with the most horrible shin splints the entire time and then I sprained my ankle. And within a week or so, I had completely quit my workouts and the Shakeology. 

Then an amazing work opportunity came along for me and my life changed again. All of our lives changed when I started working part time and Caleb and Kinley started preschool. In March of this year, the preschool had a book fair and did something called Muffins for Moms. I went to the school that morning to spend the day with Caleb. While I was there, the school photographer was going around snapping photos of all the kiddos with their moms. A few days later, my picture showed up on the preschool's Facebook page, standing next to Caleb at the book fair. I was mortified at how huge I looked. I was shocked and ashamed that I had let myself get that way and decided on the spot that I was going to change it.


I started drinking my Shakeology again every single day and I bought Les Mills Combat fitness program because I thought it would be better for my schedule with it being shorter workout durations than P90X. I lost a good amount of weight on Shakeology and diet changes alone before I started Combat but I didn't start seeing the physical changes to my body until after I started Combat. 

Here are my Les Mills Combat results!! I'm still far out from my goal fitness level but I'm so thrilled with the progress that I've made. And I love that so many people have come forward to tell me how motivated and inspired they have been by watching my transformation over the last few months. That blesses me so much! 


Even better than an awesome physical transformation is the mental and spiritual transformation that has taken place. I feel like I have finally found the answer to keeping the depression at bay and my postpartum period is finally behind me forever. I can finally close that chapter of my life for good and know that my scars haven't left me bitter about it. Instead, God has used my mess to inspire others to better physical and mental health also. Through it all I have learned to love myself so much more which is what I think postpartum robs you of. It robs you of self-love by screaming at you that you're not good enough. Not a good enough wife, not a good enough mother, not a good enough woman, or maybe not even a good enough person. But having a loving support group, setting goals, and having the love of people gently pushing you to reach for your dreams and goals, and then doing it....that's the best feeling in the world. 


I have learned I can do anything in this world that I set out to do. If I can believe it, I can achieve it. I want my kids to grow up with the same belief in themselves. And I want new mothers out there who may be suffering what I suffered to know that they too can overcome and begin to love themselves again. 


That is Beachbody! Are you ready to make a change? Reach out! 

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