I have, literally, started more than a dozen blog posts in the year since my last post. Nothing ever seemed worthy of sharing or I would never finish the post. I didn't even do my typical New Year post for 2017. I supposed it seemed like after the wild ride that was 2016 I would just be grateful for a new year, period.

2017 started off exciting, for sure. We woke up to no power and our electrical pole in the front yard on fire. Yep, for sure. I worked by candlelight and the kids had a blast. It was cold and rainy and we survived. That week the van broke down in the middle of a left hand turn across a busy highway. We survived that too. And then Mom went into the hospital AGAIN with more gall bladder stuff. And that went on and on for a couple months until she finally had the surgery she needed. We all survived that and she is doing much better with the occasional flare up.

I had two more skin biopsies early in the year which came back negative so I was cleared for 6 months. At the 6 month checkup they didn't find anything abnormal. Hallelujah!!! Right??? Right. I felt like I could breathe again.

Made two trips to Salt Lake City this year for Young Living. One for annual Convention and the second for Silver Leadership Retreat which was absolutely amazing. Here are some photo highlights! Can't wait for next year!!

























In between all of the bumps in the road and the business travel we did baseball and softball in the Spring and just wrapped up baseball and softball for Fall. Caleb and Kiki both love to play ball and are already looking forward to another season next Spring.






Reagan played the Queen of Hearts in our co-op's production of Alice in Wonderland this Spring. She was wonderful!!! For the Summer, she got her first taste of community theatre where she was an Ancestor in Henry Players' youth production of The Addams Family. It was a huge month-long commitment that she absolutely LOVED. It was an incredible experience.







Now that the kids are going into their slow seasons for extracurriculars, I am going into my busy season for oils and my oily business. It's pretty perfect how it works out. And Georgia is finally getting some gorgeous weather that is perfect for working outdoors while the kids and puppy girl play. This is my favorite time of year, for sure.




We are loving the heck out of October and Halloween festivities. We love harvest decorations and all things pumpkin, orange, yellow, brown, and red. Every week is a tradition of our favorite Halloween movies and books, baking, pumpkin carving, pulling out hoodies, hiking, hunting for the perfect leaf, and tossing acorns into the pond.








Tomorrow is Halloween and we couldn't be more excited! The kids have their costumes all ready and we will carve our last pumpkin during the day while we wait for trick or treat time. And I will use the festivities as a much needed distraction from my latest "news".

Sigh....so, probably around the time of Silver Retreat (mid-September) I discovered a teeny lump in my right breast during a monthly self-exam. (So, check your boobies ladies!!! Not just in October!!) Got in to see my doctor about it last Tuesday and was promptly sent to imaging for a mammogram. Had the mammogram last Thursday (first-ever at age 38) and let me just say that it's not as painful as I imagined from what others have said but it was shocking how much of you they try to squish into that damned machine. Uh, it sucked. And the pain started the next day and has lasted until now. You will be sore after for AWHILE which is something no one ever told me.

After waiting for what felt like an eternity in the waiting room full of other women, all wearing our upper body smocks, feeling like part of a sad club or something, I was finally called into a private room where the tech told me they wanted to do an ultrasound also. Ok. More waiting. Finally, they called me in for the ultrasound, after which the tech called the doctor in to tell me there was "a definite mass that is undeterminable in nature. Next step is biopsy. Good news is lymph nodes look good. We want to do it as soon as possible but realize you need to have some time to process all of this. Do you have any questions, Mrs. Bader?"

My mind was going a million miles an hour but my body was in shock so I'm not sure if I responded more than a mere shaking of my head. I tried to play it cool like I was fine. He explained to me that the numbing procedure would take the longest. He sounded like he was in a tunnel as my brain tried to block him out. Yes, of course I know the numbing part is the biggest bitch of all. We did that 3 times last year with the skin biopsies and twice this year. By far and away the most painful thing....but not in my boob. I may have started crying??? He looked worried and kept telling me to take a deep breath, which really pissed me off because it made me feel like I needed to be worried about something. Should I be? Deep breath, right.

Anyway, my biopsy is scheduled for Monday, November 6 in the morning. I'm trying very hard not to freak out because it could be nothing, just like my last two skin biopsies. It could be nothing. Or it could be something. And then what??? And that's what the mind does, folks. It goes there. And I start to consider all the possible scenarios. And I convince myself that's proactive because I want to know what I will choose to do when the scenario presents itself. But then my mind looks around my house at all the "things". All the things that I love that make me happy that will be awful sad memories for those I leave behind if something happens to me. And it's all downhill from there.

Y'all......this is where I was last year waiting for the biopsy results from my borderline melanoma. I can't freaking believe I'm here all over again. I'm in shock, I'm angry, I'm sad, and sometimes I'm hopeful and optimistic that everything will be fine. Mostly I'm scared.

And I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how in love with my husband and my family that I am. I think about how young Mike and I were when we met and feel sad when it feels like we wasted so much time that we could have been together but the odds were stacked against us back then. And when we finally were able to be together we felt like we had the whole world ahead of us. So many dreams and possibilities. A future we'd both dreamed of for years and years. And then I start to feel like there's a weight on my chest and I can't breathe.

Soooo......if you're the praying type and can spare a few moments to pray for me, I would appreciate it more than anything. I will be back next week to update once I get the results back from the lab.